Ran Out of Love

I quickly pack random clothes and toiletries into my bag and make sure the appropriate lights are off and on before locking the door, within six minutes of walking in. I pause at the final stop sign on his street to text him. I’m Outside. As I pull into his driveway, my phone makes the usual noise of ice cubes dropping into an empty glass. I check it, sure that it’s his response. The door is open. You know where everything is. Just make yourself comfortable. I’ll be out of the shower momentarily. My first thought is... why the rush to the shower? As a matter of fact, he smelled like he had just showered before our date earlier. Just as I begin to nestle into his very comfy couch, he walks out glistening and wrapped in a towel.

“Really nigga?” I throw my head back with my palm over my forehead. “Ok, dawg, we get it, you’re sexy! You didn’t have to do all that!” I laugh at his effort to get me all wrapped up into his physique.

“Girl, stop hating. You know sexy chocolate is your favorite.”

“Boy, bye. Too much sexy chocolate rots teeth and causes diabetes.” He squints his eyes twisting his face as I laugh.

“Let me get some clothes on then… with your hating ass.” I laugh at him and certainly would have predicted that had I not been in my own little world. He returns and offers me a glass of wine. I don’t refuse. He immediately begins talking about everything coming to his mind. Flaws and all. “If I had a ring to give you right now, I’d propose.” He says.

“See, now why do you have to be soooo… I don’t know, over the top? I’m not buying that your feelings are this strong. I don’t know why but I’m just not sold. What is it that you really want with me, Kyle? Just put it to me straight.” I say, genuinely wondering and certain he sees worry in my facial expression.

“I want a lifetime with you, Dasha.” He says. It’s sweet. I can’t deny that… but I need more. He goes on to talk about how he’s wanted to build a family since he was a kid, how and why any of his relationships never panned out, and how he has no doubt that life with me would be easy. After I try to give him a million reasons why I don’t think being with me will be as easy as he expects, he continues to reassure me that I’m not difficult. “You’re just a real woman.” He says. We continue to talk and play one round of Call of Duty together before I fall asleep on his couch.

I wake up to Kyle carrying me to his bed. He gently tucks me in and gives me one of his infamous innocent kisses.

“Are you comfortable, too hot or too cold?” He asks.

“I’m good.” I can barely speak as I’m already dozing back off to sleep. I feel him quietly slip into bed. I awake again. I’m not sure how much time has passed. Now Kyle’s hands are all over me as he kisses my neck, whispering how he loves me so much and how lucky he feels. Before I know it, I’m giving up the goods. Damn. He repeats to me how good it is in the two minutes he’s able to hang. It was good while it lasted, but after, I don’t know how to feel. I held out for eight months but feel I should’ve waited longer. We awake the next morning, shower and he kisses me and smiles as he sees me off just as day is about to break.

Days pass and I’ve heard nothing from him. I texted later in the day I last saw him. No response. I decide to call him.

“Hey, Dasha. I’m so sorry, work has been crazy.”

“Right. It’s weird that I haven’t heard from you in three days after we’d talked every day for over five months. Are you sure everything is okay?”

“I’m very sure. I had the best time I’ve ever had with you…” Had? I think to myself. “It’s just that… you’re perfect, but I think I need time to myself to figure things out.” He says. 

I immediately hang up and block his number. I stare at myself in the bathroom mirror. Keep it together, girl. You’re good. You'll always be good. His loss. I recognize where I went wrong and proceed with my day wearing a smile, confident that I won’t make that mistake again.

THE END